James

By Pentadact


Games

 

Films

 

Music

 

Television

 

Personal

 
 

About

 
 
Let Tom Francis tell you all what it's like, being male, middle-class and white.
 

 

Last Comment

 
 
"Am I the only one who enjoys the mako combat? I found it nice to be in a pretty easy and fun situation after slogging through all the awesome, but tiring foot combat. I think I had..."

Weird Fish on 2008 In Games That Were Better Than Other Games
 

 

At Random

 
 
Obviously we've all thought about this a bit at one point or another. I thought the most interesting way of doing it would be to think up just one alternative to every weapon, device and ability in the game. Then I realised there are 29 of them, and did it anyway.
 

 

Least Hated

 
 
Murder Inc.
The story of a ten-month covert operation in Eve Online to assassinate one player and steal $16,500 worth of items.
A Life In Questions
A warts-and-all portrait of a woman's life based solely on her search history.
 

 

Subscribe

 
 
All Posts
Games
Television
Films
Music
Links
Personal
Comments
 

Right To Live

 
 

left-louis

DO NOT DISTURB THE WITCH. DO NOT APPROACH THE WITCH. DO NOT FIRE AT THE WITCH. DO NOT POINT YOUR FLASHLIGHT AT THE WITCH. DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT THE WITCH, EVEN WITH YOUR FLASHLIGHT OFF, EVEN FROM A DISTANCE, EVER.

My guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse over at the PC Gamer blog.

Link   Comment
 
 
The Poisoned Sponge: I'm going to be a gibbering wreck once this is released, aren't I?

dartt: Come here Sponge, I'll hold you.

J-Man: Group hug!

Chris Evans: I refuse to hold a poisoned sponge. I don't want to die!

Dante: I remember playing this at the showdown, both the game and Chet were doing the whole 'Don't look at the Witch!' thing. So we looked at her, she knocked someone down and then we shot her a lot.

I didn't get the fuss, certainly not on the same level as the tank.

Inferno: The original idea for the witch had it as an invicible class that would kill anyone who disturbed it (as in properly and they couldn't be saved) which I thought was a lot scarier and a cooler idea but I guess they decided that was just too harsh to the players and weakened it down because everything I've seen of the witch since then has had it dying pretty damn fast, it's basically just a hunter :/

Dr. Nerfball: I'm not so bothered about the witch, more so about the HORDES AND HORDES of zombies, who have evidently come from some hill-billy inbreeding town what with the fact that they ALL look exactly the same. Even down to the combat trousers. What the crap?

However, my one complaint about that game is that, enevitably (did I spell that right? Oh well.) you will end up in a group of three other idiots, who, in situations like the sewer pipe thing where you must decide who goes up first, to scout out the street and who'll be left to last, in the dark, all alone, with the splashing and gurgling water disguising the zombie footsteps....sorry I got distracted there. Where was I? Ah yes! They will all, and I mean ALL want to go second or third. And they'll still be arguing while the zombies chewed on their asses. That and there will be one person, who shall be dubbed "Suicidal Shotgunner" who will run in, get owned then expect his squadies to actually SAVE him instead of just cleaning up his mess and then walking right on past 'im.

And I do quite like the origional witch idea, maybe they could do a patch where you could vote for ordinary wiches or super-duper mega-mondo death witches at the start of the campaign and then play through trying not to notice them. At all. Ever.

Christ, that be quite a long post, should probably have split it up into several and interspaced them at secnic intervals, y'know, like you do with flamigos.

Dr. Nerfball: Oh, dang! Almost forgot to ask. Is there some way to identify the witches before you look at them? Like a noise or something? Or is it just more of an OH SUGAR LUMPS AND TEA moment as they run towards you screaming "YOU SAID YOU'D BE HOME AT NINE! WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?!?"....wait...that's not the kind of witch I'm thinking of is it? No, of course not! Silly me, I mean ******.


Pentadact: You hear her sobbing.

Don't get too bogged down in potential concerns about teammates until you've played it for a while. The game has an uncanny ability to persuade people to co-operate, and saving fallen players - even when it's their fault - is a treat rather than a chore.

TooNu: I laughed so damn hard at your PC Gamer survival guide, cheers Tom that was ace.

J-Man: What does everyone think of Cod5's stab at L4D by putting in a zombie mode?

Itrade: All zombies are welcome zombies, in my opinion.

Lack_26: Itrade is a zombie sympathiser, KILL HIM!

I'm going to pre-order L4D today, also, did anyone watch Dead Set, awesome + funny.

Frosty: @Nerfball: The trousers were on sale, zombies love them some serious savings.

Fat Zombie: Ironically, despite being a zombie myself, I really wish to play this game and blast/bash many zombies.

Unfortunately, this game appears to have a higher spec that I would be able to cope with (mainly in regards to the processor). Can someone who's played it or such tell me where it goes on this performance scale? Is it as system-hungry as:

>Counterstrike Source?
>Team Fortress 2?
>Call of Duty 4?
>Bioshock?
>Crysis?

Ta.

Cmdt_Carpenter: I am going to try to follow you in to as many L4D games as I can now, Pentadact, and disturb the Witch at every possible turn.

Lack_26: @Cmdt_Carp. we should set up a society dedicated to jumping in to every game of L4D that Pentadact plays and disturb the witch, set car alarms off, etc.

Or would that be TO mean.

Cmdt_Carpenter: Pah, can never be too mean to Pentadact. We don't have to feel guilty anymore either, thanks to him getting that award. Enough people love him in the real world, so we can be as mean as we want.

Dr. Nerfball: You can't be mean to Pentadact, he's an award winning twat now, and as of such, very powerful and famous. So he has the resources to track down and kill anyone who dares make him sad.

You death may or may not involve tiny mouse-owls, paper-mache weavils with periscopes for eyes, a Hunter through the window, KGB squads armed with steel bananas, Lord Of The Rings dropped from 20,000 feet onto your toes and shrink-wrapped zebras. Ahem.

Jay: Oh, so we stay away from the Witch?

Bret: He may be suggesting that. Still, hard to tell.

Cmdt_Carpenter: @Dr. Nerfball I would've expected something more along the lines of policemen with MP5s on Segways or some creature with eyes for hands.

peterd102: I think Tom would simply backstab you. Then taunt over you lifeless corpse.

Dr. Nerfball: That would be plan B I think...

J-Man: How about Plan C? Try to go through a game of L4D without killing any zombies... I guess you could bash them, but I'd like to see people escaping from a witch.

Matt!: So, wait. What happens if you spin around in a circle and pass for a quarter-second over the witch? That shouldn't count. How do you know where not to look? Freaking witch, screwing my curiousity.

J-Man: HAHA! And it is done:

http://steamcommunity.com/groups/annoypen

I just need a really embarassing picture of Tom for our avatar.


J-Man: Cheers Rei, I'm gonna use the first one.

J-Man: Just updated it. Luckily restraining orders don't extend onto the internet.

CloakRaider: I'm absolutely terrified of the Witch.

J-Man: Sorry for the triple post, but privacy is no longer existent on the internet:

http://rustbowl.wordpress.com/.....pentadact/

Rei Onryou: This pleases me. I shall show my pleasedness by introducing Tom to a lovely semi-naked woman. She does tend to cry a lot, but I'm sure Tom won't mind.

J-Man: Does she also have a fetish for killing?

Rei Onryou: Why yes she does! Perhaps you also know of her. She does have incredibly long (and sharp) nails. I think a blind date is in order.

J-Man: Quite literally. She finds eyeballs delicious.

Waste_Manager: Nice guide. I'm looking forward to left for dead. i wish it was out a week earlier though as I've just about completed Far Cry 2.

Devenger: I can't see what Pentadact can hope to do to stop you (although I think discrimination is unnecessary; far funnier to do it to strangers and petend you made a mistake, and still get screamed at, etc). The last time he killed me then taunted over my lifeless corpse in TF2, I chased him down as a Scout in my next life, batted him to death and taunted over HIS corpse in front of a bemused Soldier and Demoman who proceeded to blow my stationary being into Oblivion (well, some of the gibs may have fallen onto other Elder Scrolls titles).

Off-topic: Apparently, this act of stupidity earned me a friends invite. Maybe he likes being hit over the head with a baseball bat?

J-Man: What can he do to stop us? NOTHING! NOTHING I SAY!

Bret: Well, he can sic his Gogglesharks on you if you don't know his secret weakness. (Which I know. But I won't disturb the witch anyway because I have a self preservatory instinct.)

Rei Onryou: I only wish to annoy in the nicest way possible. What kind of person do you think I am? A griefer? Who knows, perhaps taunting the witch and surviving her onslaughts may become some sort of new meta game.

Lack_26: On a slightly different topic, a new patch will make both Palin and Obama playable characters in Mercenaries 2.

http://kotaku.com/5071682/sara.....in-mercs-2

Erm, what?

J-Man: How about in a really tense part of L4D, I walk right up behind Pentadact and fire 30 bullets at the wall behind him.

Roadrunner: J-man you cunt. I don't wanna spam up this precious comment list with my uncontrollable furious and sudden rage, but you know exactly why I'm calling you this.
And yet, you still don't have the balls to discuss anything.

(To pentadact and his fans, sorry for this post.)

The_B: This part of the internet has become a disturbing and frightning place.

Jason L: Annoying and tiresome, actually.

 
 

Comment

 
 




 
 

Recommended

 
 
 

 

Status

 
 
     

     

    Images

     
     
     

     

    Comics

     
     
    QwantzPenny ArcadeXKCDDresden Codak
     

    Previously, On James...

     
     

    2008 In Games That Were Better Than Other Games     GTA IV Shorts: Cut Off     PC Gamer Podcast: The Future’s Dim     Thoughts On The Team Fortress 2 Christmas Changes     Dear Sir     Extra Mirror’s Edge Levels Blocky, Unrealistic     Dead Space: The Right-Hand Side Of A Good Game     So My Vesper Became Your Chariot     Fallout Girl: The Road To Tenpenny Towers     Revenge Of The Psycho Graverobber     I’m Not Making The Plan Next Time     HERO CLOSET     The Gold Ribbon Goldberg Device     Fallout Girl: Anywhere But Megaton     Bethesda Ruin America     Fallout Girl     Left 4 De-     The American Public Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Right To Live     Far Cry 2: What I Do Like     Far Cry 2: What I’d Like     Far Cry 2: Impersonation Of A Buddy     New PC Gamer Podcast: Eau De Toilette Radioactifs     Far Cry 2 Released, Forest Fires Up 8000%     !     Deadly Toads Of Death     World Of Goo Is Coming To Steam, Gentlepersons     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume Three     Plan B Is Complete     The Fate Of The Nation And, More Importantly, My £5     Multiwinia Mathematics     A Stab At Meet The Spy     Clear Screen     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume Two     Retro Team Fortress 2     Sounds Like The Spy Update Is Next     Status Report     Field Studies 6: The PC Gamer Sporecast     I No Longer Feel I Have To Be James Dean     Plan B Chapter One Is Complete     Field Studies 5: My Spore Review     I Read A Thirty-Eight Page Comic About Google’s Browser     Heroes Of Medicine     Red Versus White     Soviet Power     Plan B Is Live     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume One     He Looks Truly Mortified     Lumber Yard Wallpapers     Heavy Update Thoughts So Far     Relic Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Team Fortress 2 Goes To The Rockies     Steel Yourself     Vote Tom Francis In The Games Media Awards     Heavy Update: Sandwiches And Fresh Green Grass     Chris Livingston Stops Considering A TF2 Comic     Seriously, Buy Braid     Braid Is Out On Filthy Consoles     Film Catch-Up     Tweak Fortress     Field Studies 4: Vu To A Thorough Game Demonstration     The Middleman     What’s Happening In Kansas     Mirror’s Edge     Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog     Weltpolizei     The Prop Cigarettes You Smoke, They Show Who You Are     Cutting Verses Down To Size     The Sun Is Shining But We Stay Inside     Mrs D Mrs I Mrs F-F-I, Mrs C Mrs U-L-T     I Propose A Less Serious Vote     Valve Completely Out Of Weapon Ideas, Beg For Help     I Know The Commander Because He’s My Pal     Blizzard Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Regarding Matt’s Location     Oh My God What The Fuck Barbecue     Cube In Memoriam     Pyro Flare Pistol Thingy Shown In Meet The Sniper     Field Studies 3: My Pretties     Field Studies 2: I Will Save You From The Wangs     Field Studies 1: Sporegasm     Muxed Feelings     You Don’t Have To Be An Engy To Work Here But You Do     Someone Already Made An Ubersaw     Team Fortress 2 Unlockable Ideas     A Riposte To Valve’s Defense Of PC Gaming     Randy Smith Has The Worst Game Design Ideas Ever     Sire, My Regard For You Is This Big     Crysis Suit Modes Revisited     Fractal Hasselhoff And Football Management     What A Shame     The City That Rarely Enters Sleep Mode     The Most Needlessly Complex Terror Plots In Film History     No-One Drove In New York, There Was Too Much Traffic     In One Thousand Two Hundred And Ten New York Minutes     That Band You Like Has A New Thing Coming Out     A Slice Of Fried Gold Rush     Achievement Unlocked: Typed Achievement_Unlock     Bracing Oneself     It’s A Democratic Gaming Landscape, Bitches     Non-Problems Of The Obscenely Over-Privileged     Wanking ‘Not Inappropriate’ To Government Commerce     Dispensing Justice     Getting Owned     This Just In: Frogs Aren’t Morons     Der Uberdoktor     Jon Stewart On Presidential Elitism     I Actually Can’t Stop The Music     Offlyin’     The Life And Inevitable Death Of Bloopi     PC Gamer Blog: Five Years Of Foolishness     Anne Diamond Reviews Games     Fail Dogs     Review: Soulstorm (Fire Indeed Hot)     There Will Be Country For Old Men In Real Life, Baby     The Far Cry 2 Team     PC Gamer Tells Greg Costikyan To Shut The Fuck Up     Valve Decided Against The Overhealer     Austin Translation     Preview: World of Goo     ‘Meet The Scout’ Imminent     PC Gamer Blog: Greatest Videogame Weapon of All Time     Bill Hicks: Another Dead Hero     Vortessence Hangover     Nick Montfort On Portal Vs The Passage     I Eat What I Slaughter     Jonathan Blow On Making Enough Money For Food     Audiosurfing The Shipping News     Team Fortress 2 Badlands Exploit Patched     Lost, Season Four, Spoilers, Obviously     Badlands     James 2.5 Explained     PC Gamer Podcast: March     Chris Livingston Considering A TF2 Comic     Come In     Actors Out Of Context     Murder Incorporated     Books That Make You Dumb     Powered Down For Redesign     New TF2 Maps And Medic Change In Two Months     Molecular Gastronomy Blog     Team Fortress 2 Update Reactions     Things Round Here Have Changed     My Goatee     Things I Forgot To Talk About Round-Up     GalCiv2: Still Genius     Analysing Team Fortress 2     Gamespot Finally Do The Logical Thing     Deus Fucking Ex Fucking 3     Crysis Week: The Endingening     Episode Two Death Maps     Masq     SO… MUCH… CAKE…     On Rock     Review: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare     I’m Not Allowed To Do This     I Played Through The Crysis Demo Holding A Surprised Korean Guy     The Greatest Spy In Team Fortress 2     FEAR: Perseus Mandate Is The Best Game Ever     Hellgate London Thoughts     Beautiful Piano Rendition Of The Portal Song     I Played Through Episode Two Holding A Goddamn Gnome     Pushing Daisies Continues To Be Incredible     Ten Minutes To Go     The Best Three Things On TV     Life Complete     This Just In: The Scout Is A Dick     Not Being A Spy     SO… MUCH… BLOOD…     Weirdly, You’ve Been Tanned - Suspicious For The Winter     Structurally Superfluous     Top of GameTab: Wikipedia Edits From Sony IP     Heroes Season Two     My Favourite Disaster     Quick BioShock Warning     Rock, Paper, Shotgun     British Airwaves     BioShock Review Review     Gollum Beat Box Like You Never Seen     The Machine Of Death Winners     System Failure     The Order of the Phoenix     The Completist: Tribes: Vengeance     Quickly     Boston and Bioshock     Cloak And Tagger     Gamespot Finally Do The Logical Thing     The Completist: Far Cry     This Month In Terrible, Part 2: London Olympics Logo     This Month In Terrible, Part 1: Anti-DRM T-Shirts     The Finale Post     Not The Finale Post     Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-     Starcraft 2     Grrraaahahahahaa!     Mystery Trip     Access Denied     Invasion of the Body Snatchers     New-Album Deathmatch     Can I Just Say (3)     Back!     ‘Iv’     Desktop Tower Defense     Whoa     Noble Jedis     I Don’t Know About You Folks     Infinitely More Exciting Than Anything     Exploded     A Couple Of Things!     This Is Taking Ages     Best Interview Ever     Let Them Eat Facts     He’s Gone Too Far     Highlight Of 2006 (3/3)     Highlight Of 2006 (2/3): Snowboarding To Safety     Highlight Of 2006 (1/3): Previewing Oblivion     Yeah, Me Too     Somerfield     24     iPwn     2006     First Screenshots Of Introversion’s Next Game     Dexter: Series One     Woo     Dexter Again     Primer     Just ‘Cause     Spoiler Test     Heroes     Not Everything You Find On Flickr Makes A Lot Of Sense Right Away     Posts About Games Writing Suck So I’m Writing A Post About Posts About Games Writing     Supreme Commander     A Weak Russian Sunset     Event-Inspired Idea: Cellphone Breathalizer     I Am About To Play One Of These Games     Dexter     Bad News     24: Drink When…     Blood Money And Sex     Veronica Mars     Too Zune     Something I Didn’t Understand But Still Feels Right     James 1.0     Dangerous Animals Found Dangerous, Term Remains Mystery     Don’t Blog While Stupid     Should I Hit The Weak Spot For Massive Damage Now?     25th Hour     Porn Shoes     A Life In Questions     Paris Laptop Consciousness Drip     This Next Test Is Impossible     Found And Lost     Team Fortress 2, Episode Two And Portal     Not Lasting     Pandora’s Checkbox     Episode Three Conjecture     Episode Two Conjecture     Trivia: My Firefox Extensions     Half-Life 3: Episode 1     Can I Just Say     Top 100 Musings #1: Battlefield 2     Maths Cop 2: The Revengening     Waa?     Out Of Office Auto-Blog     Oblivion Review     I Took A Photograph Of You In The Herbacious Border     If Things Go Right     New Ritual     Favourites     World Of Lifecraft     Elsewhere     Some News, JC     This Is The Winter Of Our Disco Tent     Villainy Like It Oughta Be     FEAR     Battlefield 2 Stats     Brain Storm’s New Clothes     Fahrenheit     Sorry     Quote From What I’m Watching     NaNoWriMo - Hard FAQs     Mockba     SWAT 4: The Game     First Night, Second Life     Disappointing Results     Maths Cop!     NaNoWriMo     Google Oozes Connectivity     Lost Season 2     Serenity     Oh Screw It, I’ll Mention The Revolution     Flying     Introducing: Brain Storm     Concerned     This Month In Awesome     Rain     SWAT 4: The Movie     On Bringing It     State Of Things     Quest Ideas     Quest Que C’est?     WordPress Wizard     Reasons To Freeze To Death     Phew     Futurama     The West Wing     Firefly     Lost     The Great     The Fantastic     The Top Few     Mulholland Drive     Adaptation     Grosse Pointe Blank     Memento     LA Confidential     Diablo 2     Battlefield 2     Half-Life 2: Deathmatch     Deus Ex 2     N     Morrowind     Half-Life 2     Deus Ex     Charles Darwin     Friedrich Nietzsche     Ludwig Wittgenstein     Tom Francis