I forgot to tell the entire world about this when I discovered it a while ago. If you put a frog in tepid water and then, very slowly, heat it up – the frog gets the fuck out. If he could talk, he’d be like, “What the fuck, asshole? I was hanging out there! Why the fuck have you got to be such a goddamn dick all the time? Jesus.” Then he’d hop off to hang out with someone who wasn’t an asshole.

Dear people trying to make a point about things changing slowly: I don’t doubt the humans you’re talking to are morons. I don’t doubt you could boil them. But don’t bring frogs into it, you need a lid to cook those motherfuckers.

PS: It is true that Cane Toads ate Australia. They’re sorry about that, but it’s kind of our fault for flying them out there and Australia’s fault for being so delicious.