TOM FRANCIS
REGRETS THIS ALREADY

Hello! I'm Tom. I'm a game designer, writer, and programmer on Gunpoint, Heat Signature, and Tactical Breach Wizards. Here's some more info on all the games I've worked on, here are the videos I make on YouTube, and here are two short stories I wrote for the Machine of Death collections.

   
 

Gollum Beat Box Like You Never Seen

Selected verses from “The Lords of the Rhymes“, Quickbeam, Bombadil, et al.

Yo my name is Gimli and I’m a fucking dwarf
I been slaying motherfuckers from the South to the North
That ain’t Mirkwood I’m chopping with my battle-axe
I’m on an orc stampede like Shadowfax

Now all you Boffins and Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfeet
I’m the skinny hobbit with all the phat beats
My name is Merry and I’m five feet tall
I used to fuck shit up at Brandybuck Hall

Yo, I’m harder than a Mithril coat
A hundred is the number of the orcs I smote
I battled Helm’s Deep and I took Minas Tirith
If you don’t watch out, I will make your ass disappeareth