Until one day I was walking along an otherwise empty pavement, next to an otherwise very quiet road, and kept hearing this weird pinging noise behind me. Given my lack of knowledge of pingbells, my mind raced to find an explanation, and decided that someone or something must be smacking a metallic object against the lampposts. The combination of “don’t look back at the lamppost-smacker” terror, and my general attitude of forced nonchalance at that age, stopped me from verifying this version of events, until a woman sailed past on her bloody bike.

She didn’t say a word. Cow.

This is also why the pedestrian response of, “Get a bell” is indeed appropriate. By waiting until you’re within quiet voice distance you’re breaching an unstated duty to help pedestrians be pre-emptively courteous in a terribly sub-optimal way.

Defy convention.

Say “ring, ring!” out loud. (Note: I do not have a bell.)

The guy jumped, took offence and said similar – “you should have a bell!”.

Luckily I was feeling confrontational and stopped to explain that: “i said excuse me exactly the same as i would have done if i were on foot – so do you suggest all pedestrians get bells too?”

His impotent silence was almost as satisfying as the stroganoff i made with his innards…

On the other hand, on foot or biking, I’m always quietly infuriated by people who take up the whole sidewalk. I try to walk on one side of it, even if I don’t know someone is behind me. This has become even more of a habit since moving to Asia, where I am just as likely to get run over by a motorcycle as block a fellow pedestrian…

For bicycles, the voice is more polite.

Even the lowly inline sk8r gets a ‘Bicycle Passing!’ call, despite their talent at occupying both lanes of the path by necessary design of their inefficient carriage.

Bicycles only get the bell if they repeatedly shoal at intersections.

“You’re beneath my notice! I ring this bell for your benefit while I intentionally look in another direction, now get thee away from my path!”

Plus! Don’t forget that the balance is additionally disturbed on a tow path by the added cyclist-peril of a potential dunking.

My problem with the bike is that it is not as nimble as the aforementioned jogger who can happily jump into the road or slide sideways between people, or immediately halt – this leads to crashes, my balls being impaled on one wheel as it flew around a corner.

They also tend to be used for commuting, leading to road rage – I was once yelled at for not “looking” when I exited my house onto the “sidewalk”, which was bizarre, but then no one has laid down rules about such things leading to primal relapse – and I think it is the lack of rules around such human interactions that are problematic.

The cyclists height and width (a normal indicator of strength and supremacy in the who goes first stakes) is massively undermined by their poor balance (It is very hard not to think about kicking a wheel whenever a cyclist passes just to see what bug-like sprawl they end up in) making it far more challenging for either party to know who would win in a punch up, and therefore who has claim to the path.

Fellow walkers who happily walk three across and look aghast when a cyclist or fellow pedestrian attempts to walk through them rather than step into the road around them, seem to be under the impression that three heads are better than one, while in reverse the single human trying to weave through them counts them as one entity who has equal, not more, right to the road.

I guess this is why the conundrum always leads to resentment, as all parties feel slighted, and will continue until some brave leader jots down new rules of etiquette for this type of interaction.