James

By Pentadact

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Let Tom Francis tell you all what it's like, being male, middle-class and white.
 

 

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"I actually benched him for practical reasons before I realised he was also annoying. He seemed to die in every fight - a product of having zero Combat skill without being good..."

Pentadact on 2008 In Games That Were Better Than Other Games 		 

 

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To commemorate my 100th hour playing as him, and since he's clearly next in Valve's update schedule, it seemed appropriate to take a swing at a Meet The Spy script. 		 

 

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SWAT 4: The Movie
Proposed script for the film of the tactical FPS.
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The story of a ten-month covert operation in Eve Online to assassinate one player and steal $16,500 worth of items.
 

 

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I No Longer Feel I Have To Be James Dean

 
 

Since John Peel died, it’s gone back to being a weird exprience to hear something on the radio and like it. But Five Years’ Time has been forcefully cheering up this miserable British weekend. It’s by Noah And The Whale, who I am hesitant to look up. It works perfectly this once, but I’m pretty sure you can’t get more twee than this without a special permit.

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Punjab: Good stuff.

As it happens I just featured this on my podcast: www.stealthmusicfactory.blogspot.com

RandomCheese: That's strangely catchy.

Pod: It made me want to kill.

Newt Pulsifer: Strangely catchy, indeed!

Jazmeister: I've been hearing this on the radio at my night shift job for ages, and yeah, it is weird to like something that dribbles through that worn orifice, once loved so well. Isn't it creepy though, the whole bit about the romance falling apart? Or maybe just bad medicine to anyone in a long term relationship.

Lack_26: A nice remedy to having the 5 1/2 inches of rain we've had here over the past 24 hours.

Pentadact: Yeah, it sounds so saccharine on first listen, then when you pay attention you realise none of this actually ever happens. It's not even clear if they're together in the present, all we know is that he knows her. And after imagining that nice little scenario, he admits that even that might not last. But whatever happens, she'll be fine because she's hot.

At least, that's my reading of the last stanza.

Punjab: By the way, the girl in question is Laura Marling, who I think is now part of the band. It's her singing anyway.

aberrate: This song has the amazing quality of only having to be heard once before you know all the words. It's great. Their album's nice to listen to as well.

Jazmeister: We're totally falling into their conceptual trap, aren't we? They're reading this right now, like directors sitting in the audience.

Kyle: I really like whistling in music... haha!

Iain "DDude" Dawson: Awesome.. thanks for the heads-up.

Inferno: Ah this is such a cheery song, it's great.

 		 
 

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    Previously, On James...

     
     

    2008 In Games That Were Better Than Other Games     GTA IV Shorts: Cut Off     PC Gamer Podcast: The Future’s Dim     Thoughts On The Team Fortress 2 Christmas Changes     Dear Sir     Extra Mirror’s Edge Levels Blocky, Unrealistic     Dead Space: The Right-Hand Side Of A Good Game     So My Vesper Became Your Chariot     Fallout Girl: The Road To Tenpenny Towers     Revenge Of The Psycho Graverobber     I’m Not Making The Plan Next Time     HERO CLOSET     The Gold Ribbon Goldberg Device     Fallout Girl: Anywhere But Megaton     Bethesda Ruin America     Fallout Girl     Left 4 De-     The American Public Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Right To Live     Far Cry 2: What I Do Like     Far Cry 2: What I’d Like     Far Cry 2: Impersonation Of A Buddy     New PC Gamer Podcast: Eau De Toilette Radioactifs     Far Cry 2 Released, Forest Fires Up 8000%     !     Deadly Toads Of Death     World Of Goo Is Coming To Steam, Gentlepersons     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume Three     Plan B Is Complete     The Fate Of The Nation And, More Importantly, My £5     Multiwinia Mathematics     A Stab At Meet The Spy     Clear Screen     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume Two     Retro Team Fortress 2     Sounds Like The Spy Update Is Next     Status Report     Field Studies 6: The PC Gamer Sporecast     I No Longer Feel I Have To Be James Dean     Plan B Chapter One Is Complete     Field Studies 5: My Spore Review     I Read A Thirty-Eight Page Comic About Google’s Browser     Heroes Of Medicine     Red Versus White     Soviet Power     Plan B Is Live     Trust Me With Your Ears: Volume One     He Looks Truly Mortified     Lumber Yard Wallpapers     Heavy Update Thoughts So Far     Relic Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Team Fortress 2 Goes To The Rockies     Steel Yourself     Vote Tom Francis In The Games Media Awards     Heavy Update: Sandwiches And Fresh Green Grass     Chris Livingston Stops Considering A TF2 Comic     Seriously, Buy Braid     Braid Is Out On Filthy Consoles     Film Catch-Up     Tweak Fortress     Field Studies 4: Vu To A Thorough Game Demonstration     The Middleman     What’s Happening In Kansas     Mirror’s Edge     Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog     Weltpolizei     The Prop Cigarettes You Smoke, They Show Who You Are     Cutting Verses Down To Size     The Sun Is Shining But We Stay Inside     Mrs D Mrs I Mrs F-F-I, Mrs C Mrs U-L-T     I Propose A Less Serious Vote     Valve Completely Out Of Weapon Ideas, Beg For Help     I Know The Commander Because He’s My Pal     Blizzard Announce That Tom Francis Is Right     Regarding Matt’s Location     Oh My God What The Fuck Barbecue     Cube In Memoriam     Pyro Flare Pistol Thingy Shown In Meet The Sniper     Field Studies 3: My Pretties     Field Studies 2: I Will Save You From The Wangs     Field Studies 1: Sporegasm     Muxed Feelings     You Don’t Have To Be An Engy To Work Here But You Do     Someone Already Made An Ubersaw     Team Fortress 2 Unlockable Ideas     A Riposte To Valve’s Defense Of PC Gaming     Randy Smith Has The Worst Game Design Ideas Ever     Sire, My Regard For You Is This Big     Crysis Suit Modes Revisited     Fractal Hasselhoff And Football Management     What A Shame     The City That Rarely Enters Sleep Mode     The Most Needlessly Complex Terror Plots In Film History     No-One Drove In New York, There Was Too Much Traffic     In One Thousand Two Hundred And Ten New York Minutes     That Band You Like Has A New Thing Coming Out     A Slice Of Fried Gold Rush     Achievement Unlocked: Typed Achievement_Unlock     Bracing Oneself     It’s A Democratic Gaming Landscape, Bitches     Non-Problems Of The Obscenely Over-Privileged     Wanking ‘Not Inappropriate’ To Government Commerce     Dispensing Justice     Getting Owned     This Just In: Frogs Aren’t Morons     Der Uberdoktor     Jon Stewart On Presidential Elitism     I Actually Can’t Stop The Music     Offlyin’     The Life And Inevitable Death Of Bloopi     PC Gamer Blog: Five Years Of Foolishness     Anne Diamond Reviews Games     Fail Dogs     Review: Soulstorm (Fire Indeed Hot)     There Will Be Country For Old Men In Real Life, Baby     The Far Cry 2 Team     PC Gamer Tells Greg Costikyan To Shut The Fuck Up     Valve Decided Against The Overhealer     Austin Translation     Preview: World of Goo     ‘Meet The Scout’ Imminent     PC Gamer Blog: Greatest Videogame Weapon of All Time     Bill Hicks: Another Dead Hero     Vortessence Hangover     Nick Montfort On Portal Vs The Passage     I Eat What I Slaughter     Jonathan Blow On Making Enough Money For Food     Audiosurfing The Shipping News     Team Fortress 2 Badlands Exploit Patched     Lost, Season Four, Spoilers, Obviously     Badlands     James 2.5 Explained     PC Gamer Podcast: March     Chris Livingston Considering A TF2 Comic     Come In     Actors Out Of Context     Murder Incorporated     Books That Make You Dumb     Powered Down For Redesign     New TF2 Maps And Medic Change In Two Months     Molecular Gastronomy Blog     Team Fortress 2 Update Reactions     Things Round Here Have Changed     My Goatee     Things I Forgot To Talk About Round-Up     GalCiv2: Still Genius     Analysing Team Fortress 2     Gamespot Finally Do The Logical Thing     Deus Fucking Ex Fucking 3     Crysis Week: The Endingening     Episode Two Death Maps     Masq     SO… MUCH… CAKE…     On Rock     Review: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare     I’m Not Allowed To Do This     I Played Through The Crysis Demo Holding A Surprised Korean Guy     The Greatest Spy In Team Fortress 2     FEAR: Perseus Mandate Is The Best Game Ever     Hellgate London Thoughts     Beautiful Piano Rendition Of The Portal Song     I Played Through Episode Two Holding A Goddamn Gnome     Pushing Daisies Continues To Be Incredible     Ten Minutes To Go     The Best Three Things On TV     Life Complete     This Just In: The Scout Is A Dick     Not Being A Spy     SO… MUCH… BLOOD…     Weirdly, You’ve Been Tanned - Suspicious For The Winter     Structurally Superfluous     Top of GameTab: Wikipedia Edits From Sony IP     Heroes Season Two     My Favourite Disaster     Quick BioShock Warning     Rock, Paper, Shotgun     British Airwaves     BioShock Review Review     Gollum Beat Box Like You Never Seen     The Machine Of Death Winners     System Failure     The Order of the Phoenix     The Completist: Tribes: Vengeance     Quickly     Boston and Bioshock     Cloak And Tagger     Gamespot Finally Do The Logical Thing     The Completist: Far Cry     This Month In Terrible, Part 2: London Olympics Logo     This Month In Terrible, Part 1: Anti-DRM T-Shirts     The Finale Post     Not The Finale Post     Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-     Starcraft 2     Grrraaahahahahaa!     Mystery Trip     Access Denied     Invasion of the Body Snatchers     New-Album Deathmatch     Can I Just Say (3)     Back!     ‘Iv’     Desktop Tower Defense     Whoa     Noble Jedis     I Don’t Know About You Folks     Infinitely More Exciting Than Anything     Exploded     A Couple Of Things!     This Is Taking Ages     Best Interview Ever     Let Them Eat Facts     He’s Gone Too Far     Highlight Of 2006 (3/3)     Highlight Of 2006 (2/3): Snowboarding To Safety     Highlight Of 2006 (1/3): Previewing Oblivion     Yeah, Me Too     Somerfield     24     iPwn     2006     First Screenshots Of Introversion’s Next Game     Dexter: Series One     Woo     Dexter Again     Primer     Just ‘Cause     Spoiler Test     Heroes     Not Everything You Find On Flickr Makes A Lot Of Sense Right Away     Posts About Games Writing Suck So I’m Writing A Post About Posts About Games Writing     Supreme Commander     A Weak Russian Sunset     Event-Inspired Idea: Cellphone Breathalizer     I Am About To Play One Of These Games     Dexter     Bad News     24: Drink When…     Blood Money And Sex     Veronica Mars     Too Zune     Something I Didn’t Understand But Still Feels Right     James 1.0     Dangerous Animals Found Dangerous, Term Remains Mystery     Don’t Blog While Stupid     Should I Hit The Weak Spot For Massive Damage Now?     25th Hour     Porn Shoes     A Life In Questions     Paris Laptop Consciousness Drip     This Next Test Is Impossible     Found And Lost     Team Fortress 2, Episode Two And Portal     Not Lasting     Pandora’s Checkbox     Episode Three Conjecture     Episode Two Conjecture     Trivia: My Firefox Extensions     Half-Life 3: Episode 1     Can I Just Say     Top 100 Musings #1: Battlefield 2     Maths Cop 2: The Revengening     Waa?     Out Of Office Auto-Blog     Oblivion Review     I Took A Photograph Of You In The Herbacious Border     If Things Go Right     New Ritual     Favourites     World Of Lifecraft     Elsewhere     Some News, JC     This Is The Winter Of Our Disco Tent     Villainy Like It Oughta Be     FEAR     Battlefield 2 Stats     Brain Storm’s New Clothes     Fahrenheit     Sorry     Quote From What I’m Watching     NaNoWriMo - Hard FAQs     Mockba     SWAT 4: The Game     First Night, Second Life     Disappointing Results     Maths Cop!     NaNoWriMo     Google Oozes Connectivity     Lost Season 2     Serenity     Oh Screw It, I’ll Mention The Revolution     Flying     Introducing: Brain Storm     Concerned     This Month In Awesome     Rain     SWAT 4: The Movie     On Bringing It     State Of Things     Quest Ideas     Quest Que C’est?     WordPress Wizard     Reasons To Freeze To Death     Phew     Futurama     The West Wing     Firefly     Lost     The Great     The Fantastic     The Top Few     Mulholland Drive     Adaptation     Grosse Pointe Blank     Memento     LA Confidential     Diablo 2     Battlefield 2     Half-Life 2: Deathmatch     Deus Ex 2     N     Morrowind     Half-Life 2     Deus Ex     Charles Darwin     Friedrich Nietzsche     Ludwig Wittgenstein     Tom Francis