Hello! I'm Tom. I designed a game called Gunpoint, about rewiring things and punching people, and now I'm working on a new one called Heat Signature, about sneaking aboard randomly generated spaceships. Here's some more info on all the games I've worked on, here's the podcast I do, here are the videos I make on YouTube, here are some of the articles I wrote for PC Gamer, and here are two short stories I wrote for the Machine of Death collections.
Some people seem to really enjoy playing Team Fortress 2 as a Heavy, or a Medic. Me, I just like not being a Spy. Pretty much anyone but the Spy. It’s nothing personal, he’s just not for me. Not my kind of class, you know? I’m a straightforward type. A straightforward, red-blooded, red team type. Love that red team.
For example, I really like just sitting here, next to your turret. I’ve got it. You can go off and build teleporters or something. Oh, my name? Yeah, that’s just a coincidence. I guess you and I think alike – after all, we’re both straightforward types, on the red team, the best team of them all.
I also really like being healed. So that I can better kill all the blues. That’s why their bullets don’t look like they’re hurting me, by the way – because of your excellent healing. Thanks, red team medic. You and I are on the same side; the red team. Just regular joes, fighting the good fight against the blue team, who are the enemy of us both.
No, I’m not going to fire just yet. Why don’t you go ahead? Maybe you can lure them with your Syringe Gun. I’ll mop them up just as soon as you walk ahead of me. Go, red team!
Boy, it’s good being a Sniper too. Just us two Snipers, up here on the battlements. It’s a great view. I particularly like how we shoot at things, like blue guys, who we hate, because of the way in which we’re on the red team. I shoot at things all the time. Not right now, but usually.
I also turned off my laser sight. I didn’t like it. You know what I find helps? If you stand just a little way away from the wall, your aim improves loads. The wall really cramps your style sometimes. I don’t know if it’s an elbow thing or what, but just taking a few steps forwards does the trick. And staying scoped. Always stay scoped.
Sometimes things go wrong. Like this one time, all my turrets and dispensers fell apart one after the other for no reason. There were no enemies around, except this one dead guy who looked like a good ol’ red Engineer, but he had my name so I guess he must have been a Spy. Spies, eurgh. Who’d have them?
It’s the same when I dress up as and really am the Medic, on the red team, as always. For some reason my medigun never really works properly, and pretty soon my Heavy falls over. I’m kind of new at this, but I enjoy it all the same. It’s kind of fun, despite the tragic loss to the red team; the best team, and the one that I’m genuinely on.
Whatever class I play, the maps have some spots I love to hang out. Under bridges and stuff. There’s a few backrooms in Well that are just cool to stand around in, then wander back out into the fight like nothing happened, which it of course didn’t. Yay red!
The only thing I’m not wild about in Team Fortress 2 is when my own team – the reds, my favourite team – shoot me. It doesn’t hurt, because I’m on their team, the red team, and there’s no friendly fire. But it hurts inside. Just the idea that my friends think I’m a Spy. A Spy! I hate those jerks.
In fact, here come the Blue team right now. I might just show them what I think of them by going over there. I think I can break into their Resupply room and get some health, which I don’t need. I found a powerup that lets me do that. BRB.
More Team Fortress 2
Inflatable Moron: Thanks to people like you all my Episode 2 anticipation has been transferred to Team Fortress 2!
October is taking it's damn time coming..
Grill: It's odd, Tom, because once when I was playing on the opposition Blue team against you, also not as a spy, definitely as a Blue sniper, I saw a Red Medic with my name running towards me. It was very confusing, but I guess I had an identical twin brother or something. Then I fell over and stuff; it was very discombobulating.
The_B: Today I ran down a corridoor and saw a fellow Blue engineer running towards me. I thought I'd help him by swinging my wrench at him, after all - he was sharing my name.
But then he fell over and seemed to disappear, leaving some red corpse I guess he was carrying...
Seniath: It's funny, we were playing on a server without FF turned on, and I bumped into you, my fellow blue player, in a corridor. Trigger happy pyromaniac that I am, I let off a burst of flame (I just can't help it sometimes) in your direction. Oddly enough, you caught on fire and then ran off round a corner. I thought that somewhat odd, so went to investigate, but saw no sign of you, just the slightly crispy corpse of someone wearing a red pinstripe suit. Creepy *cue X-File music*
Tom Francis: Then it is as I thought. The case is unsolvable!
Leo: The only time I'm not a spy is when I'm a scout. I never go heavies or engineers or soldiers or medics or pyros or demolition men or snipers, because they're all rubbish. Only the spy is brilliant. Scouts are less brilliant, but still brilliant.
I'm basically always dead.
J-man: I love being a spy. A red spy. Strangely my cloak doesn't work, I'll have to get that fixed. And I lost my cigarette case. And my knife. And sapper. And my new jacket is weirdly inflammable. And I've run out of ammo too. Huh.