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TOM FRANCIS
REGRETS THIS ALREADY

Hello! I'm Tom, I write about video games for a living at PC Gamer. I'm also making a game called Gunpoint, I sometimes write short stories and stuff, and I like figuring out how to be happy. In my spare time I enjoy looking to the right and laughing at nothing.

Gollum Beat Box Like You Never Seen

Selected verses from “The Lords of the Rhymes“, Quickbeam, Bombadil, et al.

Yo my name is Gimli and I’m a fucking dwarf
I been slaying motherfuckers from the South to the North
That ain’t Mirkwood I’m chopping with my battle-axe
I’m on an orc stampede like Shadowfax

Now all you Boffins and Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfeet
I’m the skinny hobbit with all the phat beats
My name is Merry and I’m five feet tall
I used to fuck shit up at Brandybuck Hall

Yo, I’m harder than a Mithril coat
A hundred is the number of the orcs I smote
I battled Helm’s Deep and I took Minas Tirith
If you don’t watch out, I will make your ass disappeareth

J-Man: Why has no-one commented on this?

Tom Francis: And why was the first paragraph invisible until I fixed it just now?

URLs get turned into links automatically. You can use <i>HTML</i> but not [b]forum[/b] code. If your comment doesn't show up, e-mail me - the spam filter's just detained it for questioning.