Hello! I'm Tom. I designed a game called Gunpoint, about rewiring things and punching people, and now I'm working on a new one called Heat Signature, about sneaking aboard randomly generated spaceships. Here's some more info on all the games I've worked on, here's the podcast I do, here are the videos I make on YouTube, here are some of the articles I wrote for PC Gamer, and here are two short stories I wrote for the Machine of Death collections.
That’s it, Intro Guy. You are now so bad that you entirely counter-act the greatness of the programme that follows your intolerable gloat. I actually regret watching this episode, the intro was that bad.
It’s not just that an intro is unnecessary, it’s this intro in particular. It’s an intro made by people who don’t just look down on their audience, they actually hate them. It’s the kind of intro I’d produce for I’m A Celebrity And The Suffocating Numbness Of My Life Has Driven Me To New Lows Get Me Out Of Here. It’s openly an advert for the very thing it is a part of. It doesn’t stop at explicitly summarising the themes and symbolism of the preceding season, it actually explains in bullet-point form what’s going to happen in the following episode, and shows clips of it. At first you think it’s going to insult your intelligence, but it quickly becomes clear that the disdain, the spite its authors hold for you far exceeds their restraint, and the insult is merely an appetiser for the flurry of gashing, wrenching, deep and bloody wounds they plan to inflict. And the salt in your mutiliations is a voice-over whose patronising sickly smarm is so drippingly viscious you could choke on it.
There’s no mistaking the venemous cynicism behind this – I spend most of my days feeling it – but attached to something as great as Heroes it becomes an even darker spectre. This is disdain for one of the few remaining wonderful things on television, and only the blackest of burnt, drowned, dead, dead souls could feel it with this level of vacant dispassion. I don’t know who writes these, but I can tell you that they have no irises – their obsidian pupils fill the entirety of their lidless and unblinking eyes.
Chris: It didn't help that the worst voice-over yet was followed by the worst episode in Heroes' short history. The week-long wait always leads to me forgetting to zap past the hideous voice-over too, damnit.
Masked Dave: I must say, I always assumed they were aiming at achieving the same thing as the editorial blurb you often get at the start of comics. I mean, it is basically meant to be a comic book in live action form (the moment I realised the subtitles were happening inside invisible speech bubbles blew my mind).
If so, they've nailed it completely.
Unfortunately, those bits suck, and unlike with comics, I can't just not read them.
CannedLizard: If you think that one is bad, avoid next weeks. They show a clip of a scene which turns out to be the cliff-hanger scene right at the end of the show, or so.
Zeno Cosini: Oh God, I love that obsidian pupil / lidless unblinking eye thing. It reminds me slightly of this image by The Eyechild: http://photos1.blogg... ...e-Bird.jpg
Rob: American shows do have a habit of bookending amazing shows with complete crap. I think Intro Guy has retired from the series now to be replaced by Dr Suresh' disembodied voice, which is still pretty annoying.
It's a great show but it would be better without the recap, the narration and the wanky HEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOO theme which plays pretentiously over absolutely everything.
I'm still completely in love with it, though.
Don't post them here, I'm a useless idiot! E-mail tech support with as much detail about your system and the problem as possible, and they can actually do something.
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